Cultivating Gratitude
“Truly grateful people don’t make lists of things to be grateful for any more than happy people make lists of things to be happy about.” says Hank Deveraux in the epilogue to Richard Russo‘s hilarious and poignant novel, Straight Man. And there’s a certain superficial, if cynical, appeal to his reasoning. People often make gratitude lists when they feel down, hoping that making the list will cheer them up. And many people keep gratitude journals in part because without the journal they feel in danger of losing sight of their blessings. Sounds rather forced,...
Read MoreI’m a Triathlete (who’da thunk it? not me!)
Well, I did it! On Sunday I completed the Olympic distance Marin Triathlon. It was the culmination of weeks of training, and I felt great. I am still basking in the glow of accomplishment and I am already thinking about doing another triathlon and bettering my times. But I still find it amazing that I did it at all — I feel almost giddy about it. You see, I don’t think of myself as the kind of person who does triathlons. And yet, I did it. Beware thoughts and statements that begin “I’m not the kind of person who ….. ” They usually contain limiting beliefs...
Read MoreHappiness vs. Pleasure
I have a confession to make: I didn’t actually feel very good at the gym on Saturday. My triathlon training session — especially my somewhat labored running — was not pleasant. It didn’t actually hurt, but it was hard work for me. I thought of the blog I had posted just the evening before and felt a fraud for having blithely promised that I would be happy at the gym the next day. Would a passer-by think I looked happy? Probably not. Red-faced, perhaps even grimly determined … yes. But happy? Really? The answer was yes. Because happiness and pleasure are not...
Read MoreHappiness Beyond the Comfort Zone
In fifty-one days my husband Reece and I will be running, biking, and swimming the Marin Triathlon. There! I have set a specific, measurable, and actionable goal. Now that it is public, I am committed. So here’s a cool thing I have noticed: three weeks into my training, I already feel major benefits from having set a goal and begun to work for it. The first positive effect is that I enjoy sharing a goal with Reece. Although we are unable to train together, we give each other support and additional accountability, and we spur each other on. It is also fun to direct our shared energy ...
Read MoreFive Tips for When the Parenting Honeymoon is Over
What do we do when the first bloom of parenthood wears off and reality sets in? In marriage, it is called the “seven year itch,” when many a husband or wife tires of the reality of life with their spouse. But this experience is not limited to marital partners, says divorce lawyer and mediator Alison Patton in a recent blog. Parents, too, may feel the itch. What then? You can’t divorce your kids. Patton describes facing the realization that her kids were flawed human beings when they were about seven. She saw reflections of her own behaviors in her children and realized...
Read MoreTake a Day Off From Tech
I hereby declare my first No-Tech Sunday a success! After hemming and hawing, resisting and justifying … I did it. Saturday night I sent my last email and made a Facebook post (about going offline, of course!), and turned off the laptop. So that I wouldn’t forget, I stuck a Post-It on the lid announcing “NO TECH SUNDAY ” And that was it until Monday morning. Yes, I felt the urge to check, but I held firm.* On my quest to re-condition my responses (see previous post), I achieved the following positive reinforcement of my behavior: Nipped several escalating conflicts in the bud...
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