Mindfulness Lesson on Ice
Today at the ice rink, the present moment collided with the past and the future. And I’m not talking about science fiction here. I received a lesson in mindfulness. For the first half hour of our family outing I skated slowly, holding hands and guiding each of my children as they found their balance and gained confidence. Then I handed my youngest off to my husband and did a few circuits solo. It was bliss to whizz around the ice, weaving in and out of teens, couples, and families in an arena echoing with laughter and barely recognizable classic rock. And that’s when it happened:...
Read MoreThe Four Bs of Balance
When my pals and I were in our twenties, I don’t remember worrying much about finding balance in our lives. We worked hard, played hard, stayed up late and damn the consequences. But now as a mid-career professionals, many of us with children, I find we are all talking about it, and I also hear it from my clients. We know that imbalance is inherently unstable and unsustainable, but it can be hard to envision a different way. So what is balance, and how can we achieve it? Stand on one foot and you’ll see that balance is not static. You wobble and waver. Even if you manage to stand...
Read MoreCultivating Gratitude
“Truly grateful people don’t make lists of things to be grateful for any more than happy people make lists of things to be happy about.” says Hank Deveraux in the epilogue to Richard Russo‘s hilarious and poignant novel, Straight Man. And there’s a certain superficial, if cynical, appeal to his reasoning. People often make gratitude lists when they feel down, hoping that making the list will cheer them up. And many people keep gratitude journals in part because without the journal they feel in danger of losing sight of their blessings. Sounds rather forced,...
Read MoreHappiness vs. Pleasure
I have a confession to make: I didn’t actually feel very good at the gym on Saturday. My triathlon training session — especially my somewhat labored running — was not pleasant. It didn’t actually hurt, but it was hard work for me. I thought of the blog I had posted just the evening before and felt a fraud for having blithely promised that I would be happy at the gym the next day. Would a passer-by think I looked happy? Probably not. Red-faced, perhaps even grimly determined … yes. But happy? Really? The answer was yes. Because happiness and pleasure are not...
Read MoreDrudgery Transformed
How can you stay motivated when you are overwhelmed by a To Do list as long as your arm? Or when everything feels like drudgery and you just can’t make yourself get started? One way I help my clients get into action is to connect them to the purpose underlying what they are doing. Tying one’s activities to a greater mission can transform them from chores into meaningful work. Think for a moment about an artist, a painter perhaps. From the most mundane point of view, her work could be described as menial labor: set up the easel, get out the paints, mix a color, dip the brush, make...
Read MoreSpecial Time on Your Own Doorstep
What makes an occasion special is not so much about what you do or where you go (or how much you spend) but instead about the quality of attention you bring. I already knew this truth, but I was reminded of it this weekend. After our second or third goodnight kiss on Saturday, Margot (age 5-1/2) called out again, “Mommy?” A typical stalling tactic, but I went back into her room. She asked me what we were doing the next day, and I told her I didn’t know. Her confident response: “But it’s going to be special, right?” “Yes,” I assured...
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