Relationships

Showing Up

Posted by on May 24, 2010 | 0 comments

  Woody Allen famously said that “eighty percent of success is showing up.” But sometimes showing up is more than eighty percent – it’s the whole ball game. This past week tragedy struck my husband’s family when his younger cousin James died suddenly, devastating his wife and two children, mother and sister. He was irreplaceable and his absence will be with them forever.Friends and relatives rallied around the grieving family, bringing meals, caring for the kids, and assisting with funeral arrangements. My husband cut his trip to France short so that he could attend...

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Learning from the Seventh Circuit — the Art of Being Influenced

Posted by on Apr 22, 2010 | 0 comments

  The New York Times’ recent article about Seventh Circuit Judge Diane Wood, a “left-leaning woman in a world of right-leaning men,” highlights her ability to influence her colleagues — most notably conservatives Judge Richard Posner and Chief Judge Frank Easterbrook.Her skills as a persuader make her an attractive potential Supreme Court nominee to Democrats like me seeking to replace retiring Justice Stevens with a jurist who can influence Justice Kennedy to side with the more liberal wing of the high court. Enormous credit is due the extraordinary Judge Wood,...

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Couples: Tips to Build Positivity in 15 minutes (or Less!)

Posted by on Apr 18, 2010 | 0 comments

  Today in my Dual Career Couples Workshop, we focused on building connection, appreciation, and aligning values. It was really fun and inspiring to witness four couples engaging one another on topics that really matter. They were talking and listening, being serious and laughing, disagreeing and compromising, fundamentally respecting one another. Here are some of the suggestions I gave them to increase positivity in their relationships: *Send your partner a text message or email during the day just to check how their day is going or to relate a success or something funny. *Make your...

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The 69%

Posted by on Apr 15, 2010 | 0 comments

  It turns out that 69% of marital conflicts are perpetual. Yup. Sixty. Nine. Percent. This is true for even the most successful, happy marriages. The first time I heard this statistic, I found it utterly discouraging to think that the vast majority of areas of friction between me and my husband would never go away, never be fixed. Ugh.But then, thanks to John Gottman, I went through a radical reframing of the issue and actually started to feel relieved. Here’s my thinking: so long as I am trying to resolve these conflicts, I am in this stressed-out territory where I am trying to...

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Getting to 50/50

Posted by on Apr 14, 2010 | 0 comments

  How many women and men in their 30s and 40s thought they were going to have an “equal partnership” marriage and then found that it was not as easy as they thought, especially once kids entered the picture? Finding balance in your marriage can be tricky, especially given the many subtle and not-so-subtle pressures on women to carry most of the burden on the home front and the concomitant pressure on their partners to provide.Getting to 50/50 How Working Couples Can Have It All by Sharing It All is a great resource for couples grappling with the daily reality of caring for...

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Money in the Bank

Posted by on Apr 9, 2010 | 0 comments

  For any relationship to thrive, the positive must outweigh the negative. Sounds pretty obvious, even commonplace, doesn’t it? But what follows from it is not always recognized. Most people who want to improve a relationship focus on trying to fix the negative — a worthy goal, no doubt.What they often forget is the other half of the equation: increasing the positives in the relationship. Psychologist John Gottman‘s research establishes the importance of increasing positivity in a marriage (and this applies not just to marriages, but to relationships with co-workers,...

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