When Is It OK to Settle for Less Than Your Dream Job?
I believe in going for it, following your muse, pursuing your dreams — not playing small or “settling.” But sometimes, it’s right to take a job that is not your dream job. But don’t despair — you can make such a pragmatic choice without giving up on your vision. The key is to continue to nourish your passion, commit to learning, and maintain your perspective. (more…)
Two Essential Job Search Tools (hint: they’re not your computer)
The Internet has made posting, searching, and applying for jobs easier than ever, but it has not made getting a job any easier, especially not in the current market. Ironically, all of the technology has made the personal touch even more important.
In the bad old low-tech days, we used to submit resumes and cover letters (on bond paper!) by mail. Even with mail-merge programs, it was fairly labor-intensive and not to be done on a whim. Our resumes were then reviewed by hand with all the other resumes, and we typically got a letter or phone call in response. (I can still remember those form rejection letters “your qualifications do not match our needs at this time…..”) Now the ease and speed of submission has vastly increased the number of job seekers for any posted position. Their resumes are frequently electronically reviewed for key words, with only a small fraction ever being seen by human eyeballs. As a result, simply submitting an application without a personal referral has an extremely low likelihood of success — maybe as low as 4% of jobs are found that way (down from 30% or so previously). There is simply such a vast quantity of applicants that unless they have an inside connection, qualified candidates are unlikely to rise to the to top of the heap. (more…)
Get Out of the Box, Literally
I confess, I have come to loathe the phrase “think outside the box.” My quibble is not with the concept, but with the overuse of the metaphor. Now it turns out that the value of thinking outside the box is not just metaphorical – it is literal. New research described in the New York Times demonstrates that people confined inside a 125-cubic-foot box think less creatively than those allowed to sit outside the box. The researchers call this “embodied cognition” which means that our physical experience influences our thinking and our perception of reality. Thus, a person holding a cup of warm coffee is more likely to perceive a stranger as having a warm personality, a person holding something heavy is more likely to see things as important or serious (“weighty”), and a person allowed to pursue her own path thinks more creatively than someone who is required to follow a fixed rectangular path. (more…)
Marriage Confidential — Provocative but Unsatisfying
Pamela Haag’s Marriage Confidential is a promising and provocative but ultimately disappointing exploration of modern marriage. In what she calls the “post-romantic” era of marriage the author introduces the concept of the “semi-happy” or “low-conflict” marriage – a partnership that remains intact not because it satisfies the spouses’ romantic yearnings but rather because it makes pragmatic sense. Declaring herself to be semi-happily married, Haag suggests that the prevalence (within her social circle, at least) of this marital phenomenon, along with the high divorce rate, indicates that some sort of reinvention or at least re-imagination of marriage might be called for. As she notes, if any home appliance or automobile failed at the rate of marriage, it would not still be on the market but would have been re-designed or discarded long ago. (more…)
Ask the Right Questions
Sometimes, asking “why?” can be a trap.
A typical individual coaching client comes to me wanting to do something (it could be anything – find a job, write a book, earn a promotion, get in shape) and looking for my help. Very likely by the time he comes to me, he has been thinking about it for a while. He probably feels stuck and unable to close the gap between what is and what he wants it to be. The temptation for some of these clients is to delve into explaining to me why they have not done what they say they want. Reasons range from the practical (it’s hard, they don’t have time, they don’t know how) to the psychological (fear of failure, fear of success, anxiety, self-doubt). But as tempting as it is to wander with them down the path of “why-nalysis,” it often leads to a dead end. Most times, the narrative of why things are the way they are only serves to support the status quo. And when people come for coaching, the status quo is not what they’re after. (more…)
Revive Your Flagging Resolution
Overheard conversation between two regulars in the elevator of 24 hour Fitness gym on January 3:
“Crowded today.”
“Yup. It’s all those New Year’s resolutions.”
“Uh-huh, but don’t worry, it won’t last long.”
It seems that built into the whole idea of New Years resolutions is that they are short-lived. Resolvers start out full of energy and hope – they go on a diet or join a gym. But at some point, say late January or mid-February, most people taper off and find themselves no better off than they started. You can almost hear it in the often sheepish tone in people’s voices when they admit to having made a resolution – as if they are predicting their own failure. What gives?
Change theorists Chip and Dan Heath tell us that making a change is like trying to get an elephant to change course: to be successful, we need to have both the rider (our rational self) and the elephant (our emotional self) on board. The rider provides the reason, plan, and direction, but if the powerful elephant is fearful or resistant, they will go nowhere. (more…)
Making the Most of Your Offsite
Three days of togetherness doesn’t make up of 362 days of overwork. And all the rah-rah “team building” in the world is no substitute for listening to and acknowledging your employees. To be effective, an off-site employee retreat must address the needs of the attendees, as well as the aspirations of management. (more…)
What’s the Use of Myers-Briggs™ (MBTI)?
The Myers Briggs Type Indicator is one of the most widely used assessment tools in business and management settings, as well as in personal and career development. Its long history and use, including ongoing research and development, make it a remarkably reliable and valid instrument. But what good is it? Why should you care if you are an ENFP or an ISTJ? Why would you want this four-letter label?
Learning your type is not just self-knowledge for its own sake; it has a real practical application (that’s why so many Fortune 500 companies use it). Knowing type will likely provide you with insight into your preferred ways of learning, communicating, thinking and interacting with the world. It will also alert you to potential blind spots you may have, and it can help you better understand and communicate with others whose type differs from yours. This in itself is interesting and useful, but when it gets really powerful is when you begin to put this insight to work. (more…)
Mindfulness Lesson on Ice
Today at the ice rink, the present moment collided with the past and the future. And I’m not talking about science fiction here. I received a lesson in mindfulness.
For the first half hour of our family outing I skated slowly, holding hands and guiding each of my children as they found their balance and gained confidence. Then I handed my youngest off to my husband and did a few circuits solo. It was bliss to whizz around the ice, weaving in and out of teens, couples, and families in an arena echoing with laughter and barely recognizable classic rock. And that’s when it happened: I slowed down and tuned into the present moment. I saw the colors and lights, heard the scraping of blades on ice, felt and smelled the cool air. My eyes sought and found my two daughters arm-in-arm with their friend and my husband helping my son get up smiling from a fall. At this moment, I was filled with gratitude and felt poignantly aware and utterly alive. (more…)
Conflict Avoidance is a Warning Signal
The absence of conflict may be a sign that something is wrong with your team. This may sound counter-intuitive at first, but it’s true. In The Five Dysfunctions of a Team, author Patrick Lencioni sets up a pyramid of indicators of team dysfunction, the second tier of which is lack of conflict (we’ll get to the first in a moment).
While at first it might sound nice to be in a conflict-free environment, it is actually uncomfortable, because what it means is that people are stifling themselves. (more…)
